Grace and Grief: Some Personal Thoughts Straight From the Heart

The two don’t seem to go together. If we think about grace we are filled with gratitude for that which God grants that we don’t deserve. When we grieve, we sorrow at the loss of a loved one. So, how can the two be present in the same situation?

It has been about 6 weeks now since my brother Tom died. The whole week, starting with the early phone call from Tom’s son on Tuesday to the interment service that following Saturday, is still fresh on my mind, and probably always will be. In all honesty, getting on with my life has returned and I am doing fine, but I will never, ever, forget that week. It was another life changing time. My heart was heavy with grief, but I was also rejoicing over Tom’s home going. The thing that makes that part so significant is that Tom had never made a confession of faith that I know of. He occasionally attended the Fairfax Church of the Nazarene in Cincinnati and liked the pastor, Jack Bimber, a lot. Jack turned out to be the one God used to show Tom the way to confession, acceptance of God’s grace, and finally point Tom toward home.

Here are some thoughts from that week that attempt to speak to both grief and grace.

"It seems that mourning for my brother has set in. I was saying to Carol on the way home from Brit and Mike’s that during the last several weeks, I have been geared up to do things; go to Cincy, take messages and updates from Dwayne and pass them on, check with Sonya about medical stuff, make phone calls. I lived with the expectation that there will be some way to help, even though I was not there all the time in the middle of things. It hit me today that my duties, while not as heavy as Dwayne, Mike or Brenda’s have been by any means, are over. When I realized that, my emotions started acting up. We stopped at Mike and Brit’s on the way back home that Sunday for a Mother’s Day dinner and I grew quiet during the time there. It hit me that I will miss Tom a lot. Part of me is now gone. I did not get to visit with him every time we went to Cincinnati, but he was always at the front of my mind. He was one of my heroes, a guy highly respected by those who knew him, generous, kind, friendly to everyone. While I am eternally grateful that he is now with God, my human side is sorrowing over the loss of my big brother.

It seems that my mind is in a couple of different places. One is here, driving home, visiting with Brit and Mike’s for Mother’s Day, chatting with Dave (Mike’s father), taking care of Dexter tomorrow, and all that; in other words, getting back to the regular stuff of life. The other is somewhere far beyond this veil. I don’t really know what I am thinking, just that I am elsewhere.

I will try to focus on what I know and remember, but there is…a longing for something…I don’t know what. What is probably needed is to keep repeating those scriptures, “God is our refuge and strength,” and, “Be still and know that I am God.” Psalm 46:1,10, and, “The Lord is near the brokenhearted.” Psalm 34:18.

The most important thing is to remember that Tom is now with God, thanks to His mercy and grace in opening up Tom’s heart, and the persistent care of Tom’s pastor. We had been praying for Tom for a long time, and he got in close to the end. It happened."

Maybe there is no way to logically articulate bringing the two together, but a believer sees it happen anyway. Somehow, in the midst of your grief, you feel God sustaining you, helping you through the dark valley of confusion, keeping your vision clear.
It seems that Paul described it so clearly in 1 Thessalonians 4:13. The idea, from a layman’s point of view, seems to be that we grieve, but not as if we have no hope. We have hope that was established when Christ died and rose again.

Sorrow is a natural part of loss. Jesus wept at Lazarus’s grave even though he knew what he was going to do. Our understanding of heaven is much too limited to get us past the grieving part. Gary Inrig in his book, True North, quoted George McDonald, “If we knew as much about heaven as God does, we would applaud every time a Christian dies.” This points to the fact that we do grieve when we lose a loved one, but we have the hope of eternity because of the work of Christ.

Grief is present and should be acknowledged. However, because of Christ, grace is stronger than grief.

Thanks be to God!