I've thought a lot about forgiveness lately in light of our broken relationship with some neighbors a couple of years back. That relationship remains broken, by the way. At one time we had a pretty good relationship with them. Our friendship had grown cold in recent months, until one morning during the last Presidential campaign when he accused me of messing with a political sign on his garage door. He also made an obscene gesture at me and said things that were damaging. Even though none of what he accused me of was true, he was still angry enough at me that our friendship, even our basic ‘good neighborliness’ has been badly damaged. There has been no contact in about 2 years now.
I feel that I must be willing to forgive my neighbor from my heart, and be ready to do so when and if the opportunity arises. Henri Nouwen raised the bar pretty high in his book, The Only Necessary Thing, saying that heart forgiveness is not only very difficult but may be impossible. He also said that true forgiveness does not seek anything in return, does not expect things to turn out a certain way, and we must be willing to overlook those hurt feelings and not take them into account when trying to forgive.
Here is what I've been thinking lately, based on what Nouwen has said:
• Forgiveness is not easy, but it is a requirement for our own salvation.
• Forgiveness may not always be necessary but we must be sensitive enough to know the difference.
• We are VERY human and probably cannot forgive like we need to.
• God is totally divine and his forgiveness is complete and perfect; ours is not.
• We should let God take complete control of the whole issue, depending on his wisdom to help us do the right thing.
• We need to relax and trust God to help us in whatever way we need help.
• If we pray and say to God, “Lord, in my heart I forgive…”, then we have done what is required.
• However, continued forgiveness is also required.
• To 'forgive and forget' is not possible; in fact it is probably a lie. We probably won't ever forget.
• To act like it never happened is also not possible; not realistic.
• To allow an offensive action to stifle our lives is not being true to ourselves. We must be what we are.
If we have indeed committed the offensive action, we must take the first steps.
Jesus said that in order for us to be forgiven, we must forgive. Under what conditions, and how often? Apparently under all conditions and every time we are wronged. We must remember, however, that we just can't do it under our own strength. It seems that forgiveness is a divine thing, therefore we must forgive in the strength of Christ.
Thanks be to God.
